Wednesday, September 25, 2013

traversing twenties with: Joanna Macleod


If could reach back through time and have a heart-to-heart with your twentysomething self, what would you say to her? 

She’s in her twenties, that glorified period of life when she’s supposed to be discovering herself, deep in exploration, living her most defining decade. And yet.....she may feel like the exact opposite. Or exactly that. Or somewhere in between. She probably doesn't even know.

Maybe you pour her a cup of tea, look into her eyes, wrap her in a hug.

What do you tell her? 

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Today's letter comes from Joanna Macleod, a beautiful soul with an amazing letter. As I read this one, it felt like I really could have been reading it to myself -- she wrote just the words I needed to hear. Thank you, Joanna:


Dear Jo,

It's 1999 and you are twenty.  Just newly moved to a city so far from home that for the last two months, you've called your parents in tears.  Mum half wonders whether you'll give up on University and be home by Christmas.  You won't be.

If there is one thing I can tell you about yourself, it's that you are strong.  Strong beyond your wildest dreams and strong through your worst nightmares.  You won't always believe this, the road ahead may sometimes look impossible but I can say, from where I stand, you are strong enough for everything that comes your way.

I know you feel you are not enough (oh, you really are), you feel you don't fit in (everyone feels that way and you will be fine), and you wonder how you can fulfil your potential (be truthful, faithful to your heart and try very hard to rise above fear in all its forms).

Another thing I can tell you (and I am trying to play by the rules of space time continuum here), the people you have met and will meet in this 6 month period are special.  They matter greatly so cherish this beginning, it is a real starting point for lasting love and friendship.

I know that you often feel unsure of yourself and not good enough but just be open sweetheart and  if there is a lesson to learn, it is kindness.  Try not to give into that jealousy that holds you hostage or that rage that just takes over sometimes.  Honestly, just let go a tiny bit and you'll find that things work out (I know, eye roll, how clichéd).  I'm serious though, don't be a brat when you feel under attack or overlooked and cut people a little slack because they are just as unsure as you are.  Grown-ups are winging it too!  Importantly, be in the moment and embrace it.  Keep being present to everything you are involved in; you are a triumph!

I don't want to tell you anything to dampen your spirit so I've chosen things that will hopefully give you cause to show up; for family, for friends, for fun and for yourself.  Ahead of you lies a wonderful, bitter-sweet, challenging and rewarding slice of life and no matter the losses, the tears and the doubt that will come along through the years – you are perfect and your positivity only grows stronger.  At your core, we're the same wild energy and it's epic! So sitting here, I contemplate what I would say if you were in front of me and have a sneaking suspicion you may not listen anyway;). If you do feel like listening however, here are some top tips!

Be kind, don't judge others too harshly
Love but don't give your heart away too easily
Watch that jealousy
Be open
Be faithful to yourself; game playing and acting the part others wish you to be only betrays yourself
Rise above fear; it does nothing to serve you
Believe in yourself

And... okay, one spoiler...

One day, for a few exciting years, you'll play in a rock band and it'll be terrifyingly amazing – but really, you knew that one already right? ;)

You always wonder whether you will matter; well, you do.  Immensely. So just keep going. Enjoy the next thirteen years and I'll see you when you get here :)

Love,

Jo (age thirty three and a half)

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 At thirty three, Jo lives in Glasgow, Scotland and prides herself on being a mixed bag nationality of New Zealand and England with a years of Scottish living under her belt.  Married to her husband Calum, lucky in friends and family she blogs about food at joannayumyum.co.uk and about life at thetreesandthestars.co.uk, works the 9-5 as a marketing manager and spends time procrastinating about developing her Swedish massage and Reiki skills.



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Read past posts in the series here.


Interested in writing for Traversing Twenties? Submissions are open! Email ruth@ruthpclark.com for more details. 

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

and so I learn balance.

"Listen -- are you breathing just a little, and calling it a life?"
Mary Oliver



I bought a fall bouquet and a pumpkin for the apartment.

I walked into Trader Joe's and saw them and needed them.

Because just then the table was bare, the last bouquet long since dead.

And the fall equinox needed the beauty to go along with it.

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I made a trip home, and was looking forward to it for days.

Which always confuses me, since I tried so hard and for so long to get away from home.

I spent three days with my sisters and brother and mother and friends. I needed it.

I went home and it was strange coming back to this other "home."

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 I spent a weekend at The Loft, helping with a retreat, and forgot where I was for a time.

I saw new faces and slept in a different bed and didn't have to cook in my kitchen.

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"You need that," she told me. "You get stuck in a daily rhythm so easily, getting out and away and doing something different is what you need."

A break from the routine.
Fresh flowers and a sugar pumpkin.
A weekend back home.
A few days at The Loft.

Because there are only so many days and weeks and months that you can do the same things. Think the same thoughts. See the same sights. Travel the same roads.

Before you begin to feel crazy.


I do need the routine. The groundedness is necessary.

And so is the break.



And so I learn balance.

Monday, September 23, 2013

traversing twenties with: Hannah Marcotti


If could reach back through time and have a heart-to-heart with your twentysomething self, what would you say to her? 

She’s in her twenties, that glorified period of life when she’s supposed to be discovering herself, deep in exploration, living her most defining decade. And yet.....she may feel like the exact opposite. Or exactly that. Or somewhere in between. She probably doesn't even know.

Maybe you pour her a cup of tea, look into her eyes, wrap her in a hug.

What do you tell her? 

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Today's letter comes from Hannah Marcotti -- dear friend, gorgeous mentor, and super businesswoman. Since moving to Providence Hannah and I have become so close, both in friendship and business. I knew her letter was going to be good, and of course it blew me away. There's power, right here. Thank you, Hannah:


Letter to my twenty-something self to be opened on your 39th birthday.

“God turns you from one feeling to another and teaches by means of opposites, so that you will have two wings to fly, not one.” ~ Rumi

Hello sweet one. Happy fucking birthday. The first one you will have celebrated the way you want, desire, need.

You are tattooed and gorgeous. Really, you never thought we would say that, did you?

There are days you look in the mirror and wonder how you wound up with back fat and size C cup boobs. I remember the AB boobs that didn’t need a bra.

You nursed for 7 years. Thought at 125 pounds that you needed to lose weight. You now have 3 kids. I know. Your boobs rock now. For real. You have curves. Yep.

We always knew that 38 would be a transformative year. We never saw 39 as a vision of real. And now, we are here together. I am so fucking grateful for you because in the year of 38 when everything got turned upside down and was more beautiful and scary than you thought you could handle, I turned to you. You saved me. You lifted me. You were my guide.

I asked you what you needed. I went back in time and held your hand. Or you held mine.

We started at 19 and moved slowly through the years together. My thirty-something confidence and need for pleasure mixed with your desire to know you could support yourself, care for yourself, feed yourself, fill yourself. Those questions always left unanswered because of fear and the need to protect those you loved.

Those questions became our guide.

And now 26 days before you turn 39 I write to you. Because we are going there together. As I write this letter the woman who will read it and the girl who it is written to don’t exist in this moment in time but have never been more alive. Their presence, their shadow, their love is felt and real and the reason.

26 days before you turn 39 you will sit in the lobby of a funky hipster hotel in Portland Oregon, a city that has captured your heart, and you will write this letter. Men wear pink socks here and it is adorable.

26 days before you turn 39 you will drink wine on a couch in a lobby that holds a photo booth, bike rentals, vinyl records and wine and you will be amazed that you made it here. It is 2 o’clock in the afternoon. You will feel immense fucking joy. You still say fuck a lot. OK, more.

26 days before you turn 39 there is a space inside of you that you have been seeking since you were a child. A space that holds your needs.

26 days before you turn 39 you will have learned the art of holding another’s gaze. Really pausing, holding, looking, feeling. Not turning away.

26 days before you turn 39 you have your own bank account. It stays on the positive side. Your gifts have become your work. You will check your paypal account 5 times today and shop at an antique shop buying old books and metal letters and small white handkerchiefs. Your balance will go up.

26 days before you turn 39 you will pay for your hotel on your own. And you will sink into the gentle power of what you have created. You will remember that feeling free was your young desire, one that scared you because it meant changing everything. You weren’t ready. This is so totally OK. You still aren’t quite ready and you are doing it anyway.

26 days before you turn 39 there will be a moment when you want to cancel your trip to Portland, that you’ll feel fear of that freedom. You will release your fears and pack your bags. Close your eyes and feel the tears. This is your new truth.

26 days before you turn 39 you will eat carrot soup with thai basil and basil oil while sitting in a window sipping Pinot Noir. This is your favorite wine. (Oh, you are gluten-free and feel so much better.)

26 days before you turn 39 there will be a piece of you that still wonders if you can have a pure-joy-happy-bubbles life.

26 days before you turn 39 a true co-parenting life has begun to show itself. Your need to do it all yourself, that story that was never yours, is disappearing. You are writing your own story every single beautiful day. This feels so simplified for me to write. I know you will get how major it is.

26 days before you turn 39 you will have learned to flirt with bartenders, understand that your body is constantly under change, fallen in love with air plants and have eaten octopus and beef heart. (So yeah, you aren’t a vegetarian any more.)

26 days before you turn 39 time will stretch before you. You’ll only have a few pages left in the book When Women Were Birds, with almost every page dog eared with importance. I remember how you held Women Who Run With Wolves and highlighted sentences but never actually read it. You will read it this year.

26 days before you turn 39 you will walk down the street wearing the most vibrant red lipstick and loving how it makes you feel.

26 days before you turn 39 your birthday dress will be on its way to your house. It hugs your curves. Did I mention you have curves?

26 days before you turn 39 life will hold more unknowns than knowns. This will challenge your Virgo need for security and control.

26 days before you turn 39 you will try to control those unknowns.

26 days before you turn 39 you will be remembered with such love and tenderness.

26 days before you turn 39 I want to thank you, I want to see you, I want to honor you.

26 days before you turn 39 it is ok to be scared.

26 days before you turn 39 know this…

"We are Fire. We are Water. We are Earth. We are Air.
We are all things elemental.
The world begins with yes.
Changing Women. We begin again like the Moon." Terry Tempest Williams

P.S. That tattoo that says ‘yes’ on your wrist? That was for you baby.


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Hannah Marcotti is a quietly impassioned motivator. Highly sensitive truth seeker. Tattooing joy on the spirits of many.
Hannah guides women to fall in love with themselves and through that love see the possibility of what they can create. This is where the magic happens.

Sign up for her new free offering Goodnight Beautiful Day and visit her at hannahmarcotti.com.



***
Read past posts in the series here.


Interested in writing for Traversing Twenties? Submissions are open! Email ruth@ruthpclark.com for more details. 

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

traversing twenties: with Lisa Gendron


If could reach back through time and have a heart-to-heart with your twentysomething self, what would you say to her? 

She’s in her twenties, that glorified period of life when she’s supposed to be discovering herself, deep in exploration, living her most defining decade. And yet.....she may feel like the exact opposite. Or exactly that. Or somewhere in between. She probably doesn't even know.

Maybe you pour her a cup of tea, look into her eyes, wrap her in a hug.

What do you tell her? 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Today's letter comes from Lisa Gendron, my mentor and friend. We believe the Universe orchestrated our meeting and connection -- we both showed up for each other, right when we needed it. Lisa is a talented photographer, amazing doula, and beautiful friend. Her letter touched my 21-year-old heart. Thank you, Lisa:



Dear Lisa,

You are about to turn twenty-one.

You thought you had some notion of what your future would be. You  lived a couple of wild beautiful years and your first year of your twenties taught you to be free, brazen, to take risks. Now you are pregnant, a single mother- your body and soul transforming. It feels like a storm rolling in from the ocean. You are afraid. You are inadequate. You are strong.

You will birth this son in power, you will fight to grow. You will be terrified. You will be reborn… maiden to mother.

You will know love, you will know comfort-but first you will be lonely… lonelier than you could ever have imagined. You will know confidence, but first you will be timid. You have a quiet voice, but you will learn to roar. You wanted to travel- you won't, but you will travel the landscape of yourself. You will go further then a plane could ever take you.

You will birth three children in this decade. Two sons first. All of them will be children born in strength… they will teach you how to love yourself. You will feed them with your body. Your heart will kindle their hearts. They will love the sound of your beating heart. You will love the sound of their beating hearts. This will be the great love you think you will find in a partner. You will find love with men- and with their father- but their love will be the transformation.

You will find yourself. You will be magnificent. You will make mistakes. Nothing unforgivable... You will be forgiven.

Your third child will be a daughter. She will make you more fierce. You will fight hard to bring her into being. It will be worth it.

Things get better. Things get harder. Things get easier.

You will marry their father, but not until you are well on your way to thirty. You will learn that partnership is about so many things. Love is woven into the fiber of who you are, with all its nuance, texture, history. This will be a slow growing love. Passion may have always been there, but this is only a small part. You will learn to trust. You will learn that love only works when you are whole. Broken hearts cannot hold love, you will have to heal. You will heal.

Take time to stand in front of the mirror. Look at your face. You are beautiful. You are young. You will never be perfect. You are perfect. Truth is in the paradox. Be in your truth. It will evolve with you. It holds your future.

Dear Lisa. You may be angry as you grow. Rage is energy, own it. Use it. You will be really fucking angry. You will be really fucking angry!!! It's ok. Let it out, let it be transcendent rage. You will become wise in your forgiveness. You will become wise in your acceptance. You are growing.

Dear Lisa, love yourself as you love others. You love others so well. It is a gift your have been given. Let it serve you.

I love you twenty-one year old Lisa. You are a beautiful woman. Peace and blessing on you. Blessed be.

Love,
Almost 31 Year Old Yourself

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Lisa Gendron is the photographer behind Agroterra Photography and Agroterra Birth. Lisa recieved her BFA degree from Rhode Island School of Design. She has been photographing children and families for over ten years. She has developed an approach that emphasizes comfort and authenticity in her photography and engagement with families.

Lisa is the mother of three children, and lives and works in Rhode Island... She loves all things creative- When not behind the camera, she can be found conjuring up beauty in the kitchen, garden, with handwork or conversation.



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Read past posts in the series here.


Interested in writing for Traversing Twenties? Submissions are open! Email ruth@ruthpclark.com for more details. 

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

I promise you, you're not.

i promise you


When you're lying in bed struggling to fall asleep because you fear that you are totally alone.....you're not.

When you're at home and hear people laughing in the street and assume that you must be the only one sitting in their living room watching Netflix.....you're not.

When you're walking through a store thinking that you must be an idiot because the woman next to you must be silently judging you for looking at all the clearance sections.....you're not.

When you're feeling like the only one in the world putting themselves to bed at 8:30pm because it's been a really hard week.....you're not.

When you're feeling intense anxiety in your body and wondering how everyone else can go about their business just fine and you assume you must be the only one.....you're not.

When you're rethinking all those text messages and deciding that you were ridiculous for even thinking of sending them.....you're not.



When you're doing anything that is totally, unequivocally, completely you
and begin to feel any shreds of doubt or judgment or negativity
and start to feel like you are the craziest, most absurd person on earth.....

.....you're not.


I promise you, you're not.

xoxo


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