a letter to my seven-year-old self.

This series, this process of reclaiming my twenties and gaining wisdom from women all over the globe, has sparked something in me. It has spurred me to not only reclaim my twenties, but to go back and reclaim all my younger selves. I've felt them coming up for air, for healing, for closure, and it's been this tremendous journey of slowly going back and giving them all love. For months now I've felt my much-younger, child-self surfacing, and this is my letter to her.

 

Dear seven-year-old Ruth,

No matter what,

no matter how unsure you are about everything,

no matter how much you hate your second grade class full of mean girls,

no matter how misunderstood you feel,

no matter how petrified you are to sell Girl Scout cookies door-to-door,

no matter how much you hate waiting in the outfield for balls that never come to you,

no matter how painfully shy you feel you are,

no matter how uncomfortable it is riding the bus,

no matter how sad you are that your rabbit Otis died,

no matter how much time you spend wandering the backyard alone,

no matter how big and scary the world may feel,


it will all be okay.


Love,
Ruth

traversing twenties: with Susannah Conway

If could reach back through time and have a heart-to-heart with your twentysomething self, what would you say to her? 

She’s in her twenties, that glorified period of life when she’s supposed to be discovering herself, deep in exploration, living her most defining decade. And yet.....she may feel like the exact opposite. Or exactly that. Or somewhere in between. She probably doesn't even know.

Maybe you pour her a cup of tea, look into her eyes, wrap her in a hug.

What do you tell her? 

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I'm so excited for today's letter, shared by Susannah Conway. After years of following her blog and then reading her book, I met Susannah at the Boston stop on her book tour last summer. She's just as sweet and authentic and warm in person, and I felt so lucky just to be able to sit in the same studio as her. When I thought of this series, I immediately thought of Susannah. I just knew she'd have some pretty awesome wisdom for her twentysomething self, and she truly does. Thank you, Susannah:

Dear 20-something me

It’s only now that I’m here in my 40s that I understand why you were so desperate. Desperate for love, desperate to be seen, desperate to be good enough. There was stuff that went down in our childhood that broke some key pieces of us, and it took years to figure out that that's what had happened, and that was what needed to be healed. I won’t lie to you, younger me — it’s such a relief to be here on this side of the space-time continuum.

The best advice I can give you is to trust that it will all unfold as it should. I could give you warnings about certain people and situations, but if you don’t experience them — and make those mistakes — you won’t get to where I am now, and it’s pretty great here. I know it would shock you to learn I’ve been on my own for the last eight years. Being on your own was the scariest thing you could imagine. Even in those quiet moments in your journal, when you questioned your relationship, your path, your future, you couldn’t imagine being truly on your own. Yet something is going to happen when you’re 32 that will shatter EVERYTHING and set you on the path to becoming me. Because all that running you did — running away from yourself, your feelings, your truth — you just won’t be able to do that any more. And that will be the greatest gift you’ll ever be given. You’ll discover that the desperation for love, for being seen, for being good enough will be healed when you finally get it from the person you need it from most — yourself.

I realise this letter hasn’t been that helpful. I’d love to sit down with you and have a coffee (or, more likely, a glass or three of wine) and tell you the stuff I know now. But in many ways this screwed up path you’re walking is perfect for you. Perfect for the lessons you need to embrace and figure out. Because it will make you the woman I am today, and everything that’s happening now for you will suddenly make sense. And you’ll be glad it happened. You’ll see that it’s just one chapter in the book of you, and we all need to start somewhere. You’re doing the best you can with the tools you have. And that, my darling younger self, is more than enough.

So, in closing, can I just gently suggest you keep writing in your journal as you have always done. And keep taking photographs. And keep questioning everything. Going back to college to get a journalism degree is a great idea — you have a natural flare for writing and it’s going to set you on the right path to the books you will write in your late 30s (I know, right? Your book dreams will manifest themselves. Just not on the timescale you want ;-)

Getting older is AWESOME. Hang on to that — the good stuff is on its way to you, I promise.


All my love

Your 40-something self


Ps. Please quit the cigarettes, okay? And use lots of sunscreen. Thanks.

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Susannah Conway is the author of This I Know: Notes on Unraveling the Heart (SKIRT! Books). A photographer, writer and e-course creator, her classes have been enjoyed by thousands of people from over 40 countries around the world. Co-author of Instant Love: How to Make Magic and Memories with Polaroids (Chronicle Books), Susannah helps others reconnect to their true selves, using creativity as the key to open the door. You can read more about her shenanigans on her blog at SusannahConway.com.

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Read past posts in the series here.

Interested in writing for Traversing Twenties? Submissions are now open! Email ruth@ruthpclark.com for more details. 

more on being twentysomething.

"How do you want to feel, right now?" she asked me. Good friends can be so knowing.

"I want to feel content and fulfilled and satisfied," I told her. I nodded, sure of my answers.

And then I drove home. And like all good solo car rides down the highway at sunset, I woke up a bit. My eyes got a little teary and my heart got a little more open and I began talking.

Fuck that, I said out loud. Fuck "content" and "fulfilled" and "satisfied." I am so done with those words.

The sky opened up before me and I turned down the radio and it was just me and my voice. I am so done with those words.

I want to feel

     WILD

 

        SUCCULENT

 

           DANGEROUS

 

              DELICIOUS

 

                 EXHILARATED 

 

                     ALIVE

 

                        ON FIRE

 

                           PRIMAL

 

                              VISIBLE 

 

I am 25. I am done with anything less.

I am done with anything less.

I am done with anything less.


And so I ask you, too: how do you want to feel, right now?

traversing twenties: with Loran Hills

If could reach back through time and have a heart-to-heart with your twentysomething self, what would you say to her? 

She’s in her twenties, that glorified period of life when she’s supposed to be discovering herself, deep in exploration, living her most defining decade. And yet.....she may feel like the exact opposite. Or exactly that. Or somewhere in between. She probably doesn't even know.

Maybe you pour her a cup of tea, look into her eyes, wrap her in a hug.

What do you tell her? 

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Today's letter comes from Loran Hills, and it's another beautiful one. She writes to her 22-year-old self, of her experience with trauma and grief. Loran and I have connected all over the online world and I'm so honored to have her here in this space today. Thank you, Loran:


Prologue: 

When I was 22, my first lover, Casey Allen, died suddenly.  It was a terrible shock but not altogether unexpected.  He was reckless, handsome and charming. 


Prophetically, a year before Casey died, I wrote this:

          Clouds block the moon’s light

          How I long to see my man

          Flames of passion in the night

          Fire the heavens with cosmic love

          Souls unite

          Unchained

          To flow with a time that is no more


There was an intense, tempestuous bond but I didn’t realize it was an abusive relationship. The language for it didn’t exist back then but the feelings and behaviors did.  I’ve chosen to write a letter to my 22 year-old self, the one who was bereaved and struggling.


Oh, you dear girl:


I know your heart is broken and your life feels shattered.  You’re desperate to make sense of a world that makes no sense at all.  You want to understand life and death but you don’t.  I’m very sorry there is no one who understands what you are experiencing, no one who comprehends your agony, and no one who will talk to you about your grief.


I’m here now.  Reading through your journals, I can see the seeds of the life you eventually manifest.  In the end, your searching pays off.  Your quest to understand comes full circle and you are able to help others.  You gain in strength and maturity.  You learn the skills that you need and want.  You become the one who nurtures, the one you longed to have in your life.


You won’t always feel so lost and alone.  You figure things out and grow into the amazing person you have always been.  Occasionally demons haunt you but know that your deep desires for love, acceptance, connection and approval are normal.  You won’t always feel wrong to want these things.  You’ll open up your heart and receive it all.


Don’t internalize Casey’s hurtful words.  Love and appreciate your youthful beauty and firm skin because this will fade like the bloom on a rose.  Stop worrying so much about your weight.  The number is not important.  What’s important is learning to accept yourself in every way.


You have always sought magic and eventually you find it.  The magic is within you.  Discover your connection to Spirit and you will do well.  Trust your intuition. 


Love yourself well.  You will be all right. 

______________________________________________________________

Loran is a travel guide on the spiral journey of life.  Her business, Loran’s Heart, is filled with journaling prompts, nature photographs, and inspirational products to help you grow and develop spiritually. Her e-course, The Seeker’s Journey, will take you on a quest to discover and manifest your inner truth.

www.loransheart.com

http://www.loransheart.com/the-seekers-journey/

traversing twenties: with Jessica DeFeo

If could reach back through time and have a heart-to-heart with your twentysomething self, what would you say to her? 

She’s in her twenties, that glorified period of life when she’s supposed to be discovering herself, deep in exploration, living her most defining decade. And yet.....she may feel like the exact opposite. Or exactly that. Or somewhere in between. She probably doesn't even know.

Maybe you pour her a cup of tea, look into her eyes, wrap her in a hug.

What do you tell her? 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Today's post comes from my dear friend Jessica DeFeo. After connecting online months ago, we finally met in person last month in her home state of Texas -- and how magical is that? How incredible is it that the internet can help to make connections between strangers like that, hundreds of miles apart? I'm so glad Jessica decided to share her letter -- it's pretty incredible. Thank you, Jessica:


Wow you've been through so much lately. I know it seems like your life is taking one turn after another, and all you've had to eat the last few months are fish sticks and peanut butter and jelly. I know there are days when you don't think you should be here, in this position, barely scraping by and sometimes asking your parents for money. There are times when it is shameful for you. Breathe through the fear. Your strength is far more powerful than what you give yourself credit for.

You'll soon see that you never finish that degree, and in fact you'll never finish college. You will realize it's not what you thought it would be, but, trust the process, yes? I promise you it will all make so much sense in a few years.  And no matter what anyone tells you, finishing college doesn't determine your self worth. There are enough interior designers in this world already.

I know there are times when you feel strong and powerful. I love that about you, and that side of you will only continue to grow. You are about to come into one of the most difficult points in your life soon. There will be moments that will define who you are, and what you want this life for you to be about. I need you to listen to me now, and know that you will never lose who you are. You may feel lost, and you may not see a way out, but I promise you it's there. You will find strength in yourself you never knew you had. And on the other side? It's so beautiful here. This next year for you will carry you to the best years of your life.

There will be times when you are in deep pain. Listen to that heart of yours. That heart that thrives on change and compassion and love. Trust that. Trust that that voice of yours will call you forward and reach out to you at the exact moment you need it to. And you will hear it. Feel it. Trust it. You will remember the exact moment that voice of love comes to you and shakes you alive again. Please remember there are no mistakes and you are exactly where you need to be. Even when it hurts so badly.

Know that I am so proud of you. Proud of your decisions and your in the moment, life changing actions that will always give you the best thrill ride ever in this life. Remember to stay soft. And lean in to the vulnerable. It doesn't make you weak, my love. Your vulnerability is your greatest gift and your greatest teacher. You have so much ahead of you and I can't wait for you to see what's next. Stay open and step into the sun. I send you incredible love across space and time and the stars and the moon. I send you magic and light and courage. I know you can do it. I know because I'm here. And I'm so proud of what I see.


______________________________________________________________

Jessica DeFeo

Passionate joy seeker. Motivator of dreams. Inspiring others to live their best life.

Womens Empowerment Coach
The Living Well

"Echoes of Support for the Feminine Evolution" 

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